tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30626416334404481692024-02-08T05:28:24.307-08:00Sojourn WithinSarahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07771205678312556376noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3062641633440448169.post-87858914213426908722008-03-27T20:12:00.000-07:002008-03-27T20:23:22.843-07:00fighting...I recently joined a small group. I type type that and realize that "recently" was actually in January, but since we only meet every other week, it feels like only a month or so has gone by.<br /><br />It has been a very long time since I've been in a small group--and part of why I have resisted joining is because my last group was so amazing. I miss the support and encouragement. I miss the fun we had and how we bonded. So I was a bit <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">leery</span> of another group. But I also knew I needed to be in a group. Well, there aren't many groups in our church as of late that a single girl in her late 20's could join, save one. So I joined it.<br /><br />Our leader is a <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">pastor's</span> daughter (our former pastor's daughter, to be exact) and I've known her for a while. I like her and get along fine with her. There are 4 other ladies. Out of the six of us, two are married, one is divorced and has a child, three are single. I find it a bit <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">difficult</span> to relate sometimes, but I get along well with one of the other single gals and I thought I should stick it out.<br /><br />I always know if it is a week to meet because starting on Monday, I start feeling a little prick. I'm wondering how I can get out of going to group on Wednesday. By Tuesday, the prick is growing to a poke. I look for excuses. When the day arrives, prick-turned-poke explodes into a punch. I start making deals with myself. <br /><br />The last two times we met, I had to FORCE myself to show up--last week I only got myself to the church so I could pick up my paycheck. So I asked myself, "why are you fighting so hard?" The answer came as I drove home. The enemy doesn't want me in a small group! Yeah, I should have known that from the get-go, but I sorta forgot. <br /><br />So I have a new resolve and I'm putting it out there for you all to hold me to. I'm going to go to small group every week. Small group is a priority for me and I will not miss it. I will guard that time and cover it in prayer. If there is one thing I've learned in this walk so far it is this: if the enemy doesn't want it for me, I probably should be going in that direction!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3062641633440448169.post-62134428456260963572008-03-13T18:27:00.000-07:002008-03-13T18:32:38.213-07:00question...I recently read <u>Captivating</u> by John and Stasi Eldredge. It was really good. I'm not one for "self-help" books of any kind (Christian or otherwise) but this one was different. It didn't have the lists of do this and don't do that. What it did have was some suggestions for what makes women tick. And how to reconnect to the power source of our lives (God) if we've become unplugged. I really appreciated it and the message resonates in my soul. A few days after reading it, I wrote this poem. The form is called etheree and each line grows by one syllable until it reaches 10.<br /><br /><u>Question and Answer</u><br /><br />Do<br />you find<br />me beautiful?<br />This single cry<br />of my soul requires<br />the universe to pause.<br />My dearest heart, you, only<br />you are my crowning glory, you<br />complete my creation. Honored one,<br />I am captivated by your beauty.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3062641633440448169.post-7616457369188923992008-03-06T20:59:00.000-08:002008-03-06T21:14:56.544-08:00respect...Life has many bumps. Our church has hit a few of those recently. We call it transition. We are changing and change requires stretching, maneuvering and many other things that we humans have grown to resent and fear. <br /><br />The other night, after helping out a ministry, some fellow church attenders were sitting around, ready to enjoy some pie. I'm not much for pie, but I thought it would be fun to hang around and get to know these people. Most of them I know by sight but haven't gotten to really know. All of them were my "elders". So the pie is passed around and they start talking. Not two minutes pass before I hear a grumble. You know what that is, the "I'm not happy about so-and-so". That grumble leads to another grumble and another. Soon, I'm surrounded by grumbles.<br /><br />And there I sit, listening. My heart is welling up with concern. These grumbles are the worst kind, the ones that cast doubt on the shoulders of good people. I want badly to stop the grumbles, but I also realize that my normal reaction (a "knock it off") that works well with close friends, peers and children, is not going to cut it here. So I try to counter the grumbles with something uplifting. I add in things like, "I know his heart is for us to all worship together," and "I think the messages she shares are really valid," and "I like it when we pray in service". And what meets my uplift? Stronger grumbles!<br /><br />By this time, I was in a tizzy. My soul is shouting that I need to counter but my heart is whispering that these are my elders and I am called and commanded to respect them. So I did the only thing that I could. I left.<br /><br />As I was driving home, I peppered God with questions. How could I stand against such grumbles and still be respectful? How can I respect these people when they are setting such a bad example? I heard nothing. At home, I wrestled and wrestled to no avail. I knew I would wrestle all night if I didn't get it out of my system and the prayers so far only complicated the matter. So I wrote an email to some very wise people (a married couple) who I knew would understand my thoughts, not judge me too harshly and, most importantly, hopefully be able to help me wrestle it out.<br /><br />Today, I finally got to talk to one of them about it (just writing the email got it out of my system enough so I could sleep!). I told him I was still at a loss for how to counter, but that I knew now it was a very tactical spiritual attack- and I felt like I failed. He understood and said I did the right thing by leaving, and that I was on the right track. Then I pointblank asked, "How can I counter it, next time, and still be respectful. It is still on my heart that the issue needs to be confronted."<br /><br />His response? Ask questions. Come at it from the point of trying to understand. He said he always feels respected when people ask questions because it shows they are thinking and grasping your point of view, or at least making an effort. And he was in agreement that it IS a spiritual battle and one the enemy has been using for ages. He also said if my heart was still compelled, it probably meant I was convicted and confronting out of conviction rather than anger is always the better option.<br /><br />So, I think I'm ready for the next battle. I hope I am and pray that God will give me the strength to keep fighting. After all, this is HIS church, HIS people and He desires us to be a family- and so do I. I want to honor Him and pull our family together. If you think of it, pray for me and my church.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3062641633440448169.post-57640331439160955532008-02-10T19:11:00.001-08:002008-02-10T19:18:52.225-08:00new...We have a new teaching pastor at Pulpit Rock. Since Armin left last spring and we stopped doing Saturday night services, I haven't been attending service because of my work in the nursery. But when we hired Thomas I told the nursery director I wanted to cut back to one service so I could attend.<br /><br />I didn't realize how much I was missing worship. I've always enjoyed our worship service but I didn't know how empty I had become. I've been to service the last three weekends and it has been great. <br /><br />The message this morning really challenged me (and it has been a long time since I've been able to say that). It helped me see that there are areas in my life that I can improve on (which I knew) but it also showed me WHY I should change these areas. And for all the thinking and all the theology I've heard over the years, there were some pockets of life that I couldn't understand the purpose of change. But now, I know. It makes sense. The little light went on.<br /><br />So, today, I'm seeing change in a new way. Yes, it is hard and there is a part of me that doesn't want to even start. But I'm going to start new because now I know why.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3062641633440448169.post-46408135045709594062008-01-23T23:29:00.000-08:002008-01-23T23:41:39.297-08:00honesty...I've found, after working in "ministry" for many years, that too many Christians just aren't honest. There were so many times that I felt everyone was putting their best foot forward even when they had just removed it from their mouths. People never <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">admitted</span> to struggling, to slipping up on <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">occasion</span> or just being human. Made you kinda sick to your soul after a while.<br /><br />Now, I work at my church, and the best thing is the staff is so honest. No one pretends they are perfect, people admit to watching the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Simpsons</span> and listening to non-Christian music- things that would have set off a huge rainstorm of condemnation at my former place of employ. But working at church is a lot easier than working at that other place. It is nice to know that I'm normal and I don't have to constantly be on guard. I can laugh when something is funny, make faces, say the word "crap" and not have people treat me like pond scum.<br /><br />We had a staff lunch today- my first. I sat at a table with out "emerging generations" pastors (two of them), their assistant (a college gal), our pastor's assistant and our mission pastor. We spent most of the hour laughing. It was great conversation- we talked about our favorite movies. And no, the answers were not "Left Behind" or G-rated Disney. We had favorites like Stranger than Fiction, Green Mile, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Serenity</span>, Transformers, Juno, Lonesome Dove and others. Movies that had some cussing in them, movies that had people sleeping together outside of marriage- movies about real people. That didn't make anyone judgemental, it didn't make anyone not take part in the conversation. It was nice.<br /><br />I've noticed as of late that I've become a radical- I don't shy away from the tough topics. I will gladly talk to gay people, I will be friends with the gals at work who are sleeping with their boyfriends, I will try to treat people like Jesus did when he was here- I will eat with tax collectors and sinners. And to be honest, I prefer their company sometimes. Thankfully, I have some other radical Christians around me. I'm glad to have them because they refresh me and encourage me. They let me know it is okay to like a song that is about kissing and enjoy a sci-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">fi</span>/western story that has strange curse words in it. Their honesty and openness about life is like a spring rain- sweet and refreshing on a parched land.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3062641633440448169.post-39688681918789997282007-12-12T21:14:00.000-08:002007-12-12T21:21:25.307-08:00kindess...One of my co-workers said tonight, "You are the sweetest, kindest person I've ever met."<br /><br />I smiled sweetly and thanked her, but inside I'm thinking, "You haven't met many people have you?". That isn't a slam on her, but rather, on myself. See, I know the real me and I don't think I'm very nice at all. I'm mean, sarcastic, feisty and downright nasty. And not just now and then, it is a constant fight within me. I mean, I want to be nice and sweet, well, part of me does. But then again, nice and sweet usually get a person trampled on.<br /><br />Another co-worker (later on) mentioned that she had found how to donate money to the Woods family (the two daughters were killed at New Life Church on Sunday, their father is in the hospital). She said, "I gave $20. It isn't much, but I figure I don't know them so I won't send flowers, but my heart just broke when I heard what happened and I wanted to do something. It isn't much but it will help a little." <br /><br />I have no idea if this woman knows Jesus, I don't know if she even thinks about her spiritual journey, but she went out of her way to donate to a family she doesn't know. That is kindness- pure and simple. <br /><br />As a Christian, I should be kind in word and deed. I should anticipate needs and try to meet them. I should reach out to others and share with them, make their load easier to carry. Yet I often find myself shutting out the world, retreating into my own mean little cave. I hope that Jesus is still working to make the me that others see (that sweet, nice person) the me that I really am. Maybe someday the two will align more correctly. Until then, I'll just have to keep on keeping on, fighting against the meanies.<br /><br />Leave me a comment and tell me if you struggle with this- or how you learned to be nice... I would love to hear from you!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3062641633440448169.post-11902082082901165532007-12-08T20:13:00.000-08:002007-12-08T20:26:42.761-08:00fog...Yesterday, Colorado Springs was under a blanket of fog. Not the thick, malevolent sort of fog- more the tired and out of energy kind that gently rests on the landscape. The sort of fog that depletes your desire to have contact with the world and encourages people to stay at home by the fire, that kind of fog.<br /><br />As I drove to work, I started thinking about fog and about how many of the other drivers on the road had chosen not to turn on their headlights. When there is inclement weather of any sort, even when the day is bright, I turn on my lights as a safety precaution. However, many people fail to do this and in turn, they are endangering not only their own person, but any other person in the area as well. <br /><br />In a way, I understand why some people don't turn on their lights. They figure, "Hey, it is light enough out to see, so the lights won't help me, so why bother?". Makes sense if the only purpose for headlights is to help the driver see. But that isn't the only function of headlights. They also help other people see YOU. And that idea got me thinking that maybe we are all living in a fog, driving through life and we haven't turned on our headlights. People can't see us coming and we end up with more close calls and frayed nerves than necessary because we failed to flip the switch. Then I thought about the song I used to sing as a child, "This Little Light of Mine" and how it said to not hide your light under a bushel. Sort of the same idea. <br /><br />We need to turn on our lights, let people know we are out there, draw them to us, help the encounter to be more gentle and safe. I struggle with that. I can be a brash and overwhelming sort of person. I don't mean to be, it just comes out that way. But I can try to be more gentle, not blindside people completely, turn on my lights so they see me coming. <br /><br />Today, the fog lifted and we were left with a thick blanket of snow. That is a whole n'other topic (and yes, something is needed between the "e" in whole and the "o" in other... sorry Dara!).<br /><br />Don't forget to leave a comment and tell me what you think!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3062641633440448169.post-70049473576943494762007-11-27T22:32:00.000-08:002007-11-27T22:42:42.737-08:00silence...Have you noticed how addicted our world is to noise? Everywhere you go, people are <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">listening</span> to their mp3 players, music blares over loudspeakers in stores, we turn on the radios in our cars- we can't get enough. <br /><br />I've been thinking about this for a while and finally feel like I can write about it. Why are we so hooked on having noise around us? What is so wrong with being quiet? I love the quiet, in fact, I thrive on it and need it daily. I can't get enough. But I seem to be the odd one out. Here's what I think: we (and I mean all human beings, especially those living in developed nations) are afraid of silence. We don't want to know what we might find there.<br /><br />Kinda like the monster under the bed, silence looms just beyond our understanding. We don't want to go there because what if we find out there is nothing? What if we find out there is something and we don't like it. What if we can't handle it? I think these questions keep people plugged in all the time, pumping their heads full of noise so they can't even hear the questions anymore.<br /><br />But I love silence. I love time to just sit and have my head clear. I like to hear the world- birds singing, wind blowing, animals scurrying through a bed of fallen leaves. And when I am in silence, that is when I hear God. He can talk to us in silence and that is one of the main reasons the enemy keeps us up to our eyeballs in noise. <br /><br />Recently, I had the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">privilege</span> to attend a staff retreat with the church. Our pastor planned the morning as a time of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">mediation</span>, literally, a quiet time. We were given the amazing opportunity to be quiet with God. I took the chance to walk in the woods (the retreat center was in Black Forest) and just listen. I didn't say much to God, I just let Him know I was there and ready to listen. It was a cold day, snow flurries had left a hint of white, and few others ventured outside. I walked for half an hour, sometimes resting on a swing, and just reveled in the blissful absence of hurry and worry and noise.<br /><br />I'm going to share some of the things God showed me on that day, as well as the things He is still showing me, here on this new blog. I hope you will come with me and see. I hope you will share what you are learning as well. And mostly, I hope this is a place for quiet reflection. I encourage you to carve out a few moments of silence for yourself today- I know it will do you worlds of good.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0